addicted to
i'm not here to win
i'm here to leave a legacy
bingeing is bad. BAD YOU HEAR?!
it's the passion that drives you
endorphins
pain
exhaustion
chasing this insane dream
perfection
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woohoo. 3k finals over. ahha i came in like SECOND LAST. HAHAHA. nvm. i am currently enjoying the joy of post-race endorphins. beat my target time by 8 secs, so i'm pretty pleased (: i think although i'm slower than i used to be in sec 1 and 2, in many many ways i'm much stronger. i've stopped going back from races feeling like a giant piece of shit. i rmb how i used to set really high expectations for myself, and i NEVER EVER met my target times cos they were so unrealistic. or how i'd give up in the middle of the race just cos i messed up ONE lap. past 2 track races have really reminded me how impt it is to ENJOY the race. it's soooo rewarding to cross that finish line (who gives a damn what place and what timing), feeling SATISFIED.
BUT i still think that the pre-race pressure of track and swim races is simply OMG. lol. freaky. hm as i was walking up to get my stuff.. the rj coach asked, "did you enjoy your race?". hahaha. and for the first time, it was so easy to say YES. i mean i don't know what he meant by that. could mean that i looked so freaking slow... lol. but woohoo i enjoyed my race man, so bugger off.
on the other hand, time to start eating properly. no more bingeing. can't wait to get 1500m over with. hahaha.
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i think i should stop stuffing my face. haha. a sign that i am going a bit nuts- when i start shoving food recklessly into my mouth. amazing how much damage money and exposure to food can do to me. haha i walked into cold storage. and i actually bought two pastries (freaking full of butter and fat and sugar omg) from the swiss bakery. then.. as if that wasn't enough. i actually walked on over to the CHOCOLATE section. i mean WHAT WAS I THINKING?! haha. so yes, i bought. freaking. chocolate. i mean buying it is okay. but due to my disgusting eating habits, anything i buy, i will eat (i mean food that i buy). means that if i buy a LOAF of bread. i will EAT the WHOLE loaf of bread. HAHA. sigh. -shakes head.
haha anw the chocolate was DISGUSTING (thank goodness). i mean it was so disgusting i really couldn't eat it after stuffing four pieces into my mouth. never ever buy dark chocolate with HONEY. i know.what was i thinking?! looks like when i buy food, i never think. haha. oh and i drank like half a carton of soya bean milk. ahahha. i am disgusting aren't i.
i've been raiding the fridge more recently. and no thanks to rule-violaters who hide their illegal foods in the fridge, i have been eating their food. cookie jar has become more exciting as well. bran bars should be banned! haha but thank goodness i don't have a SNACK MACHINE nearby. haha like pc dr. omg when we went there i rmb how penny and i were marvelling at the darn thing. holding coins in our hands.. and like . drooling. HAHAHA. quite funny.
OH NOOO!!! what is becoming of me. i'm a pudgey fat tub of lard :( who can run with so much WEIGHT man. crazy... gotta stop eating like this.
school was quite funny today. despite only being there for two blocks. i got to experience exciting moments. like when the FAM ics were presenting their ppt. they said, and i quote, "everyone is to finish eating their vegetables". HAHAHA. the whole sec four cohort burst into laughter. so funny... i started having visions of prev batches leaving plates of veggie behind.
drah, still haven't decided whether or not i'm going to pon prom. ahahha. sixty bucks in orchard hotel?! crazee. and looks like half the class isn't going either. so i should just plan a secret party and go gallavanting in the streets with the others who aren't going. sianying suggested a campfire, and i told her that we can do that in the orchard hotel lobby, and set off the fire alarm. ahahha. and then there'll be an announcement on the PA from good old debbie- "this is NOT a fire drill. i repeat. this is NOT a fire drill". ahha and then! there'll be hordes of girls in high heels and gowns..running out of the lobby, screaming their heads off. ahha. oh no i'm starting to sound sadistic here.
math was fun! cos i was being overenthusiastic (because i DID my homework!! mwahah). soon i was the only one reading out answers cos the rest of the enthu gang cldn't be bothered. hahaha. and msko even said she'd let me off early! (but she didn't. lol) haha school is so fun!
damn, now for stupid track natls. i'm dreading it! can't wait for it to be over. AGH i really do not want to run! i mean if i didn't have this stupid race i could have done a nice bike session yestd. taper here and there...blagh.
stupid abrasion on my wrist is hurting like crap... UGHHH.